I can see clearly now. The pain has gone.
One of the greatest gifts that my late husband shared with me and the world was his vision. I used to call it “What Joe Sees.” He had an entirely original view of everything. Most people see things as they appear. Joe saw beyond what the eyes behold. It was his nature to see beauty within everything and everyone.
Joe taught me about how light affects the way we see everything. He showed me the difference when something is back lit, front lit, side lit…or not lit.
Last week he helped me remember that without light, there is only darkness.
In case you missed the previous post, a week ago I had an allergic reaction to dilation drops used in an eye exam and had blurred vision, eye pain, and photosensitivity for several days. Once my sight began to improve, Joe’s photos on the walls were the first things to come into focus as I sat in my darkened living room.
There is a happy memory connected to each picture. I spent much of the day appreciating those images and mentally writing the stories waiting to be told hidden within each one.
As I turned my sight inward, my external vision continued to improve. So much so that by Saturday, I could return to most normal activity. Since I’d been off my screens for several days due to photosensitivity, I spent the morning catching up on social media. Big mistake.
It seems there was a mega brouhaha stirring regarding truth, lies, and digital rights. Instead of turning my eyes away, I dove straight in…up to my eyeballs in opinion. And that’s when things began to go dark again.
My newly found peaceful, warm-and-fuzzy glow went up in a puff of smoke. I spent valuable writing time composing a Facebook post and then responding to what I knew would be inevitable objections from those who saw things differently. Approximately 24 hours transpired before this energy abated.
On the upside, I was able to express feelings I’ve been repressing because of the present unpopularity of some of my strongly held views. It felt good to finally speak up, rather than hold my tongue to avoid risking the ire of my friends.
On the downside, it felt icky to have approached this issue from a negative vantage point, where nothing looks or feels good. That’s going to the dark side.
I came here to be a light worker. I am a highly sensitive, intuitive empath. Feelings (not emotions) are my “tools of the trade.” If I’ve learned anything in this lifetime, it’s that my purpose is best served when I move toward what makes me feel good and away from what doesn’t.
My big mistake turned into a lesson, a reminder of what I already knew. Everything I need to know is within me, including how to self-heal. And nothing outside me has any power over me unless I give it my attention.
But knowing something and having the experience of that knowing are two very different things.
I need more practice accessing my truth and standing in my power. I lost my vision physically for a reason. I regained it through returning to the love inside me, then risked my clarity and steadfastness of purpose to the illusion of the external world.
I’m committed to not making that mistake again. For many weeks, I’ve had the feeling it was time for me to take a break. To spend more time reading, writing, and reflecting. To be absolved of self-imposed deadlines and responsibilities for a while. To take a deep dive inward.
I’ve struggled with my posts for several weeks now. This type of writer’s block happens to me for one of two reasons: I’m not sure what I want to say, or I’m resisting writing what I want to say. In either case, my muse only returns once I’ve sorted things out and then the words flow again.
Writer’s block feels bad.
Yet I felt good when I sent a short email last week with one of Joe’s images, especially when I received feel-better wishes and feedback that Joe’s photos brought light to others too. I took it as a sign of how to resolve the conflict I was facing…create and send posts with one of Joe’s photos and a short, feel-good memory or story connected with it.
Marie Kondo advises us to keep only the things that bring us joy and release everything else.
One other activity brings me joy at present: Reading and interpreting tarot and oracle cards. In addition to doing daily readings for myself, I pull a Card for the Collective each day and write a short post. This will continue, and you can read them here or my Facebook page.
So for the weeks ahead, perhaps a month or more, that’s what you can expect to receive from me. I hope it brings you joy too.
It’s dark and rainy in Asheville today. Yet with my 20/20 inner vision, I know it’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.
Image: Beach Umbrellas ©Gemignani. Contact me if you're interested in purchasing a print.
Text ©Shelley Lieber
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