Gimme One Reason to Stay Here

And I'll turn right back around

Reminder! This is Post #199 in the countdown to 200!! The celebration is only one week away…on Valentine’s Day, Friday, February 14. Let’s hear it for LOVE❣️

Shelley in the Redwoods ©2018 Gemignani

Gimme One Reason to Stay Here…

Lots of talk lately about leaving. Of course, Tracy Chapman was talking to a lover in the 1995 song, but the lyrics seem to fit the current times.

No one wants to leave their home, family, friends, or lives here in the United States, yet…

It seems that daily events on the national level give more reason to go than stay. In times of frustration and overwhelm, when what once was thought unimaginable is turning into reality, it’s not surprising to think about choices that also were once unimaginable.

I’m not making that huge step or suggesting it for you, but I did have a moment earlier this week when I just wanted (and needed) to remove myself from the game. I wrote about it on Notes, the social media arm of Substack, the multi-media platform that delivers and hosts these messages I send…and much more.

In that mini-moment I forgot who I was and how I am sourced, and I wrote this…

“I don’t want to play anymore.”

I remember when I was little and playing with my friends, maybe at school or in the yard—and the game wasn’t fun because I was no good at it and the other kids were making fun of me.

I remember I would say, “I don’t want to play anymore.” And walk away.

After a few taunts and laughter directed at my back, the other kids would move on.

But I’d hold onto my tears and that doom cloud until I could get home and break down in safety.

That’s what I want to do today.

I don’t want to play anymore. And I want to cry.

But now it’s hard to find a safe space.

I started the day with high hopes for productivity. I have a post to write and was itching to get my words down.

Then I read in my feed about coups. Put a damper on my creative buzz.

I went out on my terrace to enjoy the glorious morning sun and above-average winter temps in the 60’s. The beautiful blue sky and birds did their magic and I turned to return to my desk. A glint of sun’s reflection hit my eyes so I looked down to avoid the glare.

That’s when I saw it. A big swath of shattered glass next to my car. I’m on the second floor of my apartment building and my car was parked below. From my position, I couldn’t tell if the glass came from my car window or the car next to it.

I got an email from the management company yesterday about recent break-ins in the parking lot and a warning message about not leaving valuables in plain view.

Not the first time here. It seems to come in waves. I park close to my window, and even though I’m one flight up, I thought it would be safe.

Grabbing my keys, phone, and sunglasses I ran down the flight of stairs and around the corner to the sidewalk in front of my car.

The shattered glass came from the passenger window of the car next to mine. Relieved it wasn’t my car, but sad for my neighbor, I started toward the office to report it. Another neighbor stopped me from her terrace, understanding where I was headed.

“She knows. And the office too. Second time this year for her.”

From her balcony, she told me her husband’s truck had been hit in the last round of break-ins and had his wallet stolen, which he had forgotten to retrieve from the center console when he exited.

We chatted for several minutes and she went inside. The owner of the vandalized car was now outside, on her cell phone.

I stopped and waited for her call to end, just to say I was sorry that her car got targeted. She nodded and shook her head. “Second time here,” she said.

I came inside and noticed my nextdoor neighbor’s front door was ajar. I called to her but got no reply. So I went into my apartment and called her to make sure she was all right. She was, just forgot to lock it and it must have opened with a gust from the breezeway.

I told her about the break-ins and we discussed how we might protect ourselves and our cars.

I said I had to go. I have a post to write.

But all that’s happening is tears.

I don’t want to play anymore.

There are times when being an adult is too hard and the inner child needs the opening to express… Express in a way that is considered childish and only acceptable for little ones. So the inner child comes out in adulthood when it’s necessary to openly express deep feeling.

I indulged my inner child with some good old foot stomping and tear-filled diatribe, alone in my apartment.

I remember reading a passage in an Eckhart Tolle book about his witnessing two geese (or maybe it was swans) coming head to head in a large pond. There was a bunch of squawking and pecking, and a flurry of feathers flew about the water.

Then the two swam off in opposite directions. Tolle noted that as they moved away from each other, each flapped its wings almost violently…as if to blow off the bad energy of the skirmish before swimming peacefully again.

So I let my inner child have her way, indulging her with compassion and protection as one does with a young child having a temper tantrum. And when the frustration and sorrow passed, I reached out to the adult in the room.

She sat in her meditation chair and closed her eyes, seeking connection to the same Source that calmed the fowl after their confrontation.

And that one act gave me the reason to stay here and…

I turned right back around.

What were the magic words?

You may remember this grounding meditation from an earlier post, What I’m Doing to Feel Safe.

[Although it is described here as a daily practice for morning and/or evening, grounding is a calming, centering ritual that can be done anytime you need to restore your energy and self-control.]

1. Devote five to ten minutes every morning and evening to silent, alone time and simply quieting your mind. Ten minutes is optimal but start with five if ten is too much. Don’t overthink it or place any expectations (or worse, self-criticism) around it.

2. Sit comfortably with (bare) feet on the floor, if possible. If you can only do this when you wake and before sleep, lie on your back and place your arms wherever comfortable, noting where they land.

3. Take several deep, cleansing breaths. You can even release the breath with a sigh if it feels good or natural.

4. Focus attention on feeling your body instead of engaging in thought. Without judgement, notice areas of tension, pain, or discomfort.

5. Begin at the top of your head and consciously focus on your scalp. Slowly shift your attention to your forehead, face, ears, jaw. Loosen tense areas as you go. Don’t exert effort. Think of it as a cleansing rinse of water, like a shower. The water does the work, you simply direct the flow.

6. Continue down your neck to your shoulders, arms, hands, fingers.

7. Drop your shoulders and direct your attention to your chest and upper back. Take some breaths.

8. Concentrate next on your solar plexus. Straighten your spine, elongate the area comfortably…no painful movement. Breathe.

9. Continue down to your pelvic area, below the navel, and imagine a warm flow of energy encircling your lower body.

10. Direct your attention to your tailbone and buttocks. Shift position if necessary to be comfortable.

11. Let the easy flow continue down your thighs, calves, ankles, and imagine any remaining tension releasing out the soles of your feet.

12. Take another deep breath and send love to the body you are in. Spend as long as you can or need to here.

13. Congratulations. You are no longer a talking head. You are an embodied human, fully present, and ready for the next activity of the day or night.

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Energy is Everything

Four years ago, I found myself in a similar chaotic energy pattern as the one prevailing today. I had recently lost my dear Joe to cancer at the height of Covid pandemic lockdown.

Four years prior to that (2016) were the preview stages of what exists today.

What I dreaded most in the 2024 election, even more than any political outcome, was the return of chaos and unrelenting events feeding the collective grief and despair. The daily onslaught of division and discontent.

Collective energy becomes its own thing, called an egregore. An egregore is a nonphysical entity or thoughtform that emerges from the collective thoughts and emotions of a distinct group of individuals. Once formed, it takes on an energy of its own and is pervasive in a culture or society.

An egregore can be turned on a dime. Think back to the photos of jubilation when the end of WWII was announced (typified in the Alfred Eisenstaedt photo of a sailor kissing a nurse in New York’s Times Square). That energy largely contributed to the ‘50s perceived “happy family” culture in America.

You don’t have to think back to the 1940s to remember the opposite effect on a sector of the population beginning November 5, 2024. And that egregore is showing no signs of abating.

The only way to separate yourself from unwanted energy of others (individual or collective) is to learn to connect to your own inner source that will guide you to the best outcome. That process enables you to identify and separate your energy as your own. It enables you to embody a power that keeps unwelcomed energy away from you.

It’s not a one-day or magic-wand solution. It is a process, but it’s doable and accessible to you immediately at no cost. You have everything you need within you already.

I have spent the past four years searching, studying, learning, and internalizing this process. This egregore we’re facing is powerful and requires a mindset of focused attention and application of skillset to transform.

It’s the mindset and skills I used to turn myself around. In the face of a powerful energy that threatens to destroy a society, a even more powerful egregore must rise to deflect it.

I’m ready to stand up and face the challenge. I invite you to join me.

Next week, in post #200, I’ll tell you more.

Until then… My best, Shelley